Mike's Food Gripes

It's taken a while but here you go. Ten things in the world of food that really grind my gears...

• Beans and Pulses - Kidney Beans, Broad Beans, Haricot Beans, Mung Beans, Chick Peas, Black Eyed Peas, I hate the lot of them. NB If i go to the trouble of requesting there are no beans in my enchilada please don't undo all the good work by serving said enchilada on a bean salad.

• Tough to eat food - I am sure lobster, shell fish and the like can be delicious but i don't want to have to eat using equipment that would be more at home in a tool box than a cutlery drawer.

• Asian Desserts - I am a big fan of Asian cuisine but it really seems strange that a whole continent appears to have missed the point on desserts. Fresh fruit just isn't the same.

• Under supported dishes - I understand that the meat/fish/nut roast (!) should be the centre piece of the meal but I am a young man with a healthy appetite (greedy). Just give me a few more potatoes.

• Couscous - "It's not supposed to taste of anything, it just takes on the flavour of the other ingredients." I'll just go home and have some highly flavoured cardboard then. So bland they named it twice.

• Ratio of Fish to Meat dishes - It seems to be a current trend particularly in the top restaurants but for me one or two fish options is plenty, especially if others are added at the expense of a good meat dish.

• Picking things out of your food - Menus will usually tell you the make-up of a particular dish. Please don't order a chicken and mushroom pie if you don't like mushrooms and are going to precede to spend the next 30 minutes identifying and removing them from the dish.

• SMASH! - I'm all for convenience foods if the occasion demands it but this is just unacceptable. How difficult is it to boil a potato?

• Vegetarian foods imitating meat - I understand (but disagree with) the ethical reasons behind vegetarianism but this just seems unnatural. If you don't want to eat a sausage why would you want to eat something that looks and tastes like a sausage...but not as good?

• 'Jack of all Trades' restaurants - Particularly Takeaway establishments. There is a lot to be said about catering for the masses but I always feel a little uneasy going to a curry house that also serves burgers, pizzas and kebabs.