Food Gripes

The basic nature of criticism means we're allowed to complain about things. So we thought it might be a good idea to flesh out the three first-name-terms guys in the group by letting you know the sort of stuff we really can't stand when it comes to food. Most of these are linked to eating out, but can also be more general.


Mike's and Tom's will emerge in due course, but to get the ball rolling, here are Jonnie's top ten food gripes:

• Lentils – quite why mushy, flavourless pulp needs to be added to stews, casseroles and cuts of meat everywhere is beyond me


• Overcomplicated chocolate fondants – a dessert that (when done correctly) can be utterly flawless is never helped by the addition of too-strong and outlandish ice cream flavours, or the infusion of alcohol / herbs / beetroot


• Poor lighting – I want to be able to see what I’m eating, and the people I’m eating with


• Inappropriate music – if you’re serving good quality food in a smart restaurant, don’t spoil it by playing Rihanna as background noise


• Drinking too much – please just concentrate on the food. By all means, enjoy a drink, but don’t overdo it


• Pointless salad decorations – if there has to be green stuff on my plate, I want it to add to the flavour of the dish rather than require removal from it


• Improperly cooked meat – if I have requested rare steak / burger / lamb, that’s what I mean; not pink-tinged. And don’t even start me on ‘health and safety issues’… If you offer red meat, offer to cook it how the customer wants it


• Spinach – tastes like river algae


• No bread plates – so you’re happy for me to flake crumbs all over the table..? Well, I suppose it is your table


• Dill – tends to ruin any dish, no matter how sparingly it has been used